Addiction

What makes resisting temptation difficult for many people is they don't want to discourage it completely.

Franklin P. Jones


What addiction do you have?

I've been debating whether or not to post this. But I realized that the only way I can get past this 1st step is to be honest and believe what I am writing.

I have an addition to Food. It controls my life and I turn to it when I need comfort, or when I am stressed, or when I am angry, or when I just can't deal with my life. Their are a lot of things that put me in this place. My childhood, My teenage years, My discouragements, My failures. I realized that the only way I can get past all this is to put it in my past. To admit my problem and FULLY take hold of what it is doing to me.

It has taken me four months to write this. When I first decided if I was going to write this on my blog. I did not have enough faith in myself to do it. When I decided that I was going to need some help getting myself through this. I knew I had so much emotional baggage that I needed to sort through. So I went to LDS Family services to get help. Back in July my therapist gave me a book. It is called The addiction recovery program. When she handed it to me. My first thought was I don't have any addiction why is she giving me this book. As we talked about it and she told me that Eating disorders is an addiction. She talked about support groups and having me go through the steps. I was over loaded. I just didn't want to admit that I had a problem. So I delayed it focused on some of my other issues.

Last month I had a break through and closed an issue I had for a very long time. I was feeling really good. Towards the end of my session. My therapist said, I have a goal I want you to make. I think you are ready. She said, I want you to walk or run a 5K. I just looked at her in shock. My first thought was I can't do that. We talked about it and she wanted me to make a date and pray about it. I went home feeling really good and knowing that I could do this. I was completely terrified. I thought to myself could I walk a 5K. Well I prayed about it and then decided on the weekend to call my Bonus Mom K to ask her if she could find out when some of the 5K's were happening next year. When I called her she just about did somersaults. She was so excited and said she would find out of me. When I got of the phone I thought WOW she is really excited for me. So I decided to call the rest of my family to tell them. Everyone was so excited for me. This made me feel so good. I was so pumped and ready to do this. My goal that I made was to walk a 5K in Spring. April or May. Since none of the information has posted for the 5K's at that time. I have not set an actual date yet. I think I will head for the Race for the Cure. We will see when time gets closer.

I have been doing some exercise every day. It has been a real struggle to keep myself motivated. I think that Danny is excited for me but I don't know if he really thinks I will go through with it. When I told him I asked him to give me motivation when I am feeling down or wanting to be lazy. He has done good so far. Sometimes we both forget. He has been a good supporter.

I talked with my Doctor this week and he said that keeping up the exercise and doing lots of walking is my best bet. He is happy that I have decided to do something and get myself into shape and get healthy. He wanted me to remember that once my 5K is coming and done I need to make a goal what I am going to go next.

I know that I can do this and I am grateful for the support of my family. I am going to a Eating Disorders support group. My first time was this week. I left the meeting knowing that I can do this and that I am not alone. I look forward to continuing with those meetings.

I know that I will not be able to do this without the Lord. I have been renewed that I need to Trust in the Lord and continue to have faith in myself. I would like continued help and support from my family.

I have a plea. I need some good walking shoes and want everyone to be on the look out for some good shoes for me and any sales that may come up. If anyone would like to donate some money to the purchase of these new shoes. Any help would be appreciated. I have also been thinking of other ways I can get motivated. Couple thoughts I have had is a weight loss program or membership to a gym.

My best friend Kristen has recently told me she got a membership to Gold's gym and she loves going every day. She says it helps with stress and keeping fit. We have talked about it every time we talk.

This has been really hard for me to finally post and admit to the world of my addiction. Thank you everyone for all the support you have given me so far.