Obsession

These are two reasons I get up every day and I commit to myself that I am going to continue my recovery from my food addiction.

Tonight I finally got the children to bed and I was going to go to bed myself and then I thought. I better check my Farm on Facebook so none of my crops go bad and lose money. I realized that I am obsessed with Farm Town on Facebook. The kids love helping me and they tell me what to plant. The love all the animals I have. I realized that I did not have enough to do with Farm Town so I log into Danny's Facebook and I set him up with a Farm so I could take care of that.

Couple of weeks ago in my Eating Disorders Addiction Recovery Meeting I realized that when I try not going to Food when I am having the moment of whatever when my Food addiction wants to take over I've been going to Farm Town. The only problem with that is once I get started I get sucked in for 3-4 hours on the computer. I've done nothing else the last couple weeks. I checked my e-mails tonight and each had at least 150 to 300 emails in them. This week I was reminded that the most important thing with recovering from my addiction is the gospel and the atonement of Jesus Christ.

Satan is trying to use every tool he can to get me down and pull me away from what's important. I find myself staying up late more like tonight. I've been kinda nervous about my 5K coming up in exactly a week. I think that Satan is trying so hard to get me so frustrated and discouraged that I will just not go. I won't let him. I told my therapist that if I had to crawl across the finish line I would.

One of the things that has been hard on me is I been working so hard and I don't feel that I am getting enough support from those that want this so bad for me. There are some that have been so much better than others and I am so grateful. I have realized that I am doing this for me and my family. I need to focus on that reason and not be so concerned about the other stuff. As I think about it, most people I know don't understand what I go through every day to stay on the right path with my addiction. It is a constant process.

I am so thankful that I have Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ to help me through this. Sometimes I start thinking that I am doing this on my own and I'm not. They are always with me. I just need to accept and trust in them.