It's the truth.

I've been debating about writing this post because it's the scariest thing. I have feared for a long time. I've been overweight for most of my life. It started with when I was young I was so hyper that my Mom would take me to Doctors, Therapists, and Psychitrists. She tried everything to help me calm down. She was told by one of the people that she took me to that certain foods would make me more hyper. So I was not allowed certain foods. This was hard on me and on my siblings. I remember my sisters getting mad that they could not have something as simple as Macaroni and Cheese with Hot Dogs. This made me angry and really hurt. When I got older and in Jr. High there was a Convient store on my way home from school and so to get back at my parents for not allowing me to eat certain foods. I would steal money from there purse or wallet and buy whatever I wanted. This started my food addiction. I found myself eating when I was upset, bored, angry, sad, and sometimes even happy.
Now that I am married and have children. I have struggled with my weight even more. After the birth of my children I became so obese I found myself at a weight that I did not ever or think I would ever be at. I was 405 lbs. That was the breaking point for me. So in April 2008 I decided that I needed to tackle some of the issues I've had with my weight. Especially some of the emotional ones. I started seeing a counselor and in the process I saw two different ones. Things were going really well and I was feeling really good about what I was doing and about myself. I was challenged to walk a 5K and my thought at the time was I could never do that. I then realized that with some excerise and work I could do it. So in May 2009 I walked the Race for the Cure. I had many supporters in this. I completed this walk and I felt great. I really felt that I was working toward a great future. Shortly after that I lost the counselor I was seeing and she felt I could do this on my own. I just didn't feel ready. I still had a big issue that concerned my weight to work through. I was devistated. I really didn't know what to do. I tried working out and continuing what I was already doing. I was just to discouraged with what happened and felt I just could not keep going. It has been really hard for me to get back. I finally got so strapped for money I put my gym membership on hold and stopped. I did walk my own 5K a few months after the one in May. But I was doing it more for show to my family and friends. Currently the only thing that is keeping me from going completely over the edge is my weekly meetings in the Addiction Recovery Program. I went for 3 yrs. In the summer of 2011 Kara had been bugging me to do Karate. I wanted to do it as well but was conflicted since it was the same night as my Addiction Recovery Meeting. I decided that I would start Karate and work a meeting in on another day. Well Karate has been going great I am now an orange belt. My Sensai has been really working us out. I am now slowly starting with things again. Excerise and working on eating right.
I started this post back in 2010 and I feel it still fits with what I am doing so I decided to publish it.